Environment

PETS of all species have demanded that unlimited amounts of food are made available to them at all times.

A GROUP of caners spotted in a Welsh valley noted for psilocybin mushrooms have claimed they were just getting some fresh air.

LOCALS in a Somerset village have flatly denied claims of a pervasive smell of excrement.

THE famous 40-a-day pigeons of Trafalgar Square are going to ignore new laws against smoking in public.

FORMER environmental organisation Greenpeace has pledged to wipe out all animal species then blow up the planet.

PRIVATISED rail companies are using a weather machine to justify their piss-poor service, it has emerged.

CATS and otters are the same animal.

THE Met Office has confessed that no weather records have been kept because it seemed like a really boring thing to do.

SPIDERS living rent-free in houses must provide evidence that they are actually killing flies.

HUMANITY is conflicted over whether it is worth decimating the planet to maintain the supply of desirable consumer goods.