Environment

TREES have reverted to being malevolent skeletal shadows looming in your peripheral vision.

POPPIES have rejected any association with the paranoid, hate-fuelled agenda of The Daily Mail.

ENVIRONMENTAL campaigners are claiming to get a massive buzz off harmful pesticides in order to get them banned.

FLY Rob Hobbs is struggling to think logically after becoming trapped in a house.

THE Tree of the Year competition is dominated by trees with wealthy and well-connected parents, critics have claimed.

PETS of all species have demanded that unlimited amounts of food are made available to them at all times.

A GROUP of caners spotted in a Welsh valley noted for psilocybin mushrooms have claimed they were just getting some fresh air.

LOCALS in a Somerset village have flatly denied claims of a pervasive smell of excrement.

THE famous 40-a-day pigeons of Trafalgar Square are going to ignore new laws against smoking in public.

FORMER environmental organisation Greenpeace has pledged to wipe out all animal species then blow up the planet.