Environment

RESIDENTS of flood-threatened Somerset have offered up the lives of two fair maidens.

THE spare room you've been meaning to turn into an office will instead used to store carbon dioxide, it has emerged.

KEEPERS at Edinburgh Zoo have received a series of alarming requests from the two giant pandas in its mating room.

A PYGMY hippo calf is using mind powers to exert a malevolent hold on those around him, it has been claimed.

THE majority of ticks have a poor self-image, it has been claimed.

AS the first weekend of spring begins, the British countryside has come alive with rampant sex.

COUNCILS across the south east have introduced a blanket ban on having an opinion about the hosepipe ban.

EXPERTS have called for hippies to be turned away from Antarctica to stop them ruining it.

BONOBO monkeys are disgusting, according to new research.

WINTER weather will result in a million of pictures of nothing much, experts have warned.