Environment

PEOPLE whose houses have flooded are responsible for most of society's ills, it has emerged.

WE only have ourselves to blame for the current awful weather, it has emerged.

THOUSANDS of relieved gardeners are finally able to water the swamp-like areas attached to their houses, as the hosepipe ban is lifted.

DARK clouds have started to hurl insults as well as rain at the British Isles.

WOLVES are furious at being depicted on tat including poor quality fleece jackets and cheap t-shirts, it has emerged.

LONESOME George, a tortoise believed to be the last of his species, has expired after a 78-year drugs and alcohol binge.

THE country of Wales has returned to its natural submerged state.

CAPTAIN Scott and his team married female penguins during their trip to the Antarctic, it has emerged.

WATER voles are no longer taking shit off predators, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S most aggressive swan has explained the mysterious technique that allows his species to break your arm or leg.