Environment

Giant fox fighting a badger would have been brilliant, say experts

THE UK's biggest fox could probably have beaten a very large badger in an amazing fight, experts have claimed.

Earthquake frightens Cumbrians into giving up incest

CUMBRIANS have imposed a moratorium on sex with close relatives amid fears they may have angered a supernatural being who lives deep in the ground.

Fit An Energy Meter, Says Freddy Krueger

DISFIGURED child murderer Freddy Krueger has asked householders to consider the environment or he may have to tear out their spleens, it emerged last night.

Giant Yorkshiremen Found On Housing Estate

THINGS the size of a brick shithouse have been spotted roaming a Bradford housing estate.

Food Shortages Could Force Middle Class To Eat Chicken Mega-Tasteybites

AFFLUENT professionals could be forced to use town centre fried chicken outlets as over-population makes Waitrose-style food increasingly scarce.

BP Photoshopped Image Of Pelican Giving The Thumbs-Up

OIL giant BP has been accused of manipulating an image of a Gulf of Mexico pelican to show the bird giving the 'thumbs-up'.

Tory fears grow as fox spotted on top of horse

TORY fears of a brutal fox insurgency are growing  after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.

Oil Well Capped Before Everyone Realises It's Their Fault

THE ruptured oil pipe in the Gulf of Mexico has been capped just minutes before everyone realised it had all been their fault.

Animals Obstructing Progress

SUPERFLUOUS wildlife is still hampering vital progress in the logging and fast food industries, it was claimed last night.

Met Office Finally Blamed

AFTER five days of disciplined self-control Britain finally gave in last night and blamed the Met Office for volcanoes.