Environment

RECORD numbers of UK households are ditching the family car for a medium-sized goat.

THE UK's biggest fox could probably have beaten a very large badger in an amazing fight, experts have claimed.

CUMBRIANS have imposed a moratorium on sex with close relatives amid fears they may have angered a supernatural being who lives deep in the ground.

HUNDREDS of Scottish drivers, trapped by heavy snow, today face the prospect of deep frying the meatiest ones to stay alive.

DISFIGURED child murderer Freddy Krueger has asked householders to consider the environment or he may have to tear out their spleens, it emerged last night.

THINGS the size of a brick shithouse have been spotted roaming a Bradford housing estate.

AFFLUENT professionals could be forced to use town centre fried chicken outlets as over-population makes Waitrose-style food increasingly scarce.

OIL giant BP has been accused of manipulating an image of a Gulf of Mexico pelican to show the bird giving the 'thumbs-up'.

TORY fears of a brutal fox insurgency are growing  after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.

THE ruptured oil pipe in the Gulf of Mexico has been capped just minutes before everyone realised it had all been their fault.