The farm-to-fork journey: how it doesn't work anymore

THE journey from Britain’s farms to the food on your plate is vital to keeping the country going. Here’s how it’s broken down irrevocably.

Couple wondering if friend with allergies is worth the hassle

A COUPLE cannot tell if the pleasure of a friend's company outweighs the hassle of accommodating his allergies.

Office worker who forgot lunch planning to pop into food bank

AN office worker who left his packed lunch at home is planning to swing by his local food bank for a sandwich, a bag of crisps and a Coke.

How to pretend to be less carnivorous when your vegan friends come over

VEGANS due to visit your problematic, animal-product-filled house? Here's how to pretend you're as morally superior as them.

Six iconic British condiments that prove foreign food is shit

POST-BREXIT food shortages are a marvellous opportunity for Brits to reacquaint themselves with our world-beating condiments. Leave voter Roy Hobbs explains.

Bananas and other foods that go off on the way home from the shops

JUST been to the supermarket? Bought a few lovely fresh things that are spending the journey home rapidly decomposing? These are going straight in the bin.

'How come you're working?' thick-as-shit family ask their waiter

A FAMILY of morons out for a bank holiday meal have asked their waiter why he is working today with puzzled fascination.

It has pictures on the menu, and other signs you're at the worst restaurant in town

ARRIVED in a new town and walked into the first place you’ve seen? Here are the warning signs that it’s the worst restaurant within a 20-mile radius.

Piercing a Capri Sun, and other packages that are impossible to open

SOME food packaging is more impenetrable than Fort Knox. Here are ones you will always humiliatingly fail at trying to open.

Five irritating pretensions on restaurant menus

RESTAURANT menus are riddled with pretentious, meaningless bullshit. Here are five examples that will put you right off your food.