Woman left with trust issues after taking chance on new takeaway

A WOMAN who decided to vary her Friday night routine by trying a new takeaway fears she will never learn to trust again.

Deliveroo cyclist's wages docked for stopping at red light

A DELIVEROO cyclist has had his wages docked as punishment for stopping at a red light, it has emerged.

The second-last temptation of Christ was banoffee pie

JESUS has confirmed that his last temptation was to escape sacrifice, live as an ordinary man and raise a family, but the temptation previous to that was banoffee pie.

Papa John's, and other chains with too much American bollocks for Britain

PIZZA chain Papa John’s is closing a tenth of its outlets in the UK, and the twee American name must surely have something to do with it. Here are some more with too much colonial nonsense.

Cool vegetarian still eats meat when pissed

A VEGETARIAN who keeps it real still eats kebabs and burgers after a few pints, he has confirmed.

Heaven is a massive slab of meat off a cow's arse: The gammon food critic visits a steakhouse

YOU know those massive methane farts cows stand around pumping out all day, destroying the ozone layer? They'll soon stop once they're dead and under the grill. You won't see that in our woke vegan media.

Woman refuses to acknowledge 'packet' as suitable unit of crisps

A RADICAL non-conformist has asserted that she, and not the arbitrary weight proscribed by a packet, decides when she has had enough crisps.

Woman on date pretending she can't finish pizza

A WOMAN on a first date is maintaining a pretence that eating an entire pizza is far too much for a delicate girl like her.