Health

IT'S been billed as the biggest event in a generation for people with mouths.

CANNABIS is now more evil than the Nazis and smoking the drug is worse for the brain than watching Richard Madeley on television, new research suggests.

SITTING down dramatically increases the risk of arse cancer and should be regulated under strict new laws, doctors decided last night. 

HOMEOWNERS in the UK are more interested in the value of their house than in the fate of their own children, according to a new survey.

ENTERTAINMENT giant Disney is to remove all images of patio heaters from its films.

FATNESS is contagious and can be caught from contaminated cakes, buns and sausages, according to new research.

CHILDLINE, the charity for abused children, will tell distraught Harry Potter fans, upset at the ending of the final book, to 'fuck right off'.

FROM next April all potential users of cannabis will have to sit a government-approved grooviness test.

VITAMIN C has been relegated from the premier league of nutritional compounds after another scathing attack on its performance.

THE collective wealth of Britain's doctors is now so vast that they have clubbed together to buy Croatia.