International

THE Labour Party in Scotland has finished ninth behind a party promising more human sacrifices.

DONALD Trump is continuing to stress how intelligent he is, while finding increasingly inarticulate ways of doing of so.

SCOTTISH Nationalists have reacted with fury to a new bank note design that does not demand independence.

PRESIDENT Barack Obama has enjoyed learning about Boris Johnson.

A MAN is convinced that Britain should stay in Europe because he imagines it gives him continental flair.

2016 is to be brought to an early end before anybody else dies.

THE US will probably invade Britain when it leaves the EU, according to senior White House sources.

CLOSE examination of the Bible has revealed  it was 'Adam and Steve' in the Garden of Eden the whole time.

COUNTRIES must give back anything they bought with foreign aid from the UK, mean-spirited Britons have demanded.

VLADIMIR Putin has such kind eyes that it is impossible to imagine him doing anything unpleasant, according to the public.