International

DONALD Trump is in fine, thin-crust-loving shape, according to Dr Oetker.

US PRESIDENTIAL candidate Hillary Clinton has confirmed that she originally died in 2004, and has returned many times since.

HILLARY Clinton’s illness and Donald Trump’s improving poll ratings have led to a global upsurge in thinking happy thoughts about lovely things.

AUSTRALIA is the perfect trading partner for Britain due to being on the other side of the world, UK residents agree.

EVERYONE at the G20 summit finds Brexit hilarious, Theresa May has confirmed.

DONALD Trump is refusing to return from Mexico after discovering how much better it is than America.

BEASTLY common people in Magaluf are simply horrid, it has been claimed.

A DISAPPOINTED British racist cannot find anyone bearded enough to get them thrown off his flight to Majorca.

NIGEL Farage has told an audience of Trump supporters that the power to completely devastate the nation they live in is in their hands.

BRITAIN’S dominance of international pommel horsing is confirmation that Brexit will be a huge success.