International

THE USA was so unready to have a woman as president that it would vote for literally anyone else instead, it has been confirmed.

A SMILING president-elect Donald Trump has instructed aides to ‘get them’.

BRITAIN has woken up relieved to find its idiotic act of self-harm earlier this year is now a piffling historical footnote.

EXPERTS have stressed that of course America is genuinely stupid enough to elect a deranged murder clown as its president.

DONALD Trump is furious after discovering that women can vote in elections.

PEOPLE around the world are deciding how to spend their last day before Donald Trump becomes US President.

THE refugee camp in Calais has already become luxury apartments that only footballers and bankers can afford.

A COACH packed with British children has arrived in Calais, where they are being right little bastards.

MILLIONS of Britons are surprised at how few seven-year-old refugees have journeyed alone across the whole of Europe.

THE undead have pledged their support for Donald Trump in the US presidential election.