Lifestyle

BITTER that you dicked around at the School of Hard Knocks and have no formal qualifications? Order the University of Life’s new prospectus.

THE owner of the dog that is currently biting your ankle quite hard has clarified that her pet is, in fact, ‘really friendly’.

IN A new decade worse than any of its predecessors, we’ll inevitably soon be rosy-eyed for 9/11 and Las Ketchup. Get ready to genuinely miss these.

UNSURE how this whole parenting thing is done and looking for reassurance? These parenting manuals will each undermine your confidence in a different way.

A COUPLE who can barely put up a shelf have decided they want to buy a tumbledown chateau in rural France.

ARE you a dad? Is all that stuff important, easily fixed, or you’ll need it the week after you throw it away? Follow these hoarding tips.

DO you have downstairs neighbours? Do you want to make their lives a misery no matter what hour of the day or night? Here’s what to do.

Did you think it was a good idea to decorate your home with vapid inspirational quotes? These trite phrases are mocking you from your walls right now.

GETTING blind drunk with a mate on a freezing cold park bench is now the best thing to do at the weekend thanks to lockdown.

BEING a straight man is all about having big muscles and an obsession with your penis. Anything else makes you look really gay, explains totally-not-gay man Tom Booker.