Lifestyle

Trousers are weird, homeworkers realise

HOMEWORKERS have admitted they cannot imagine wearing anything other than pyjamas or dressing gowns ever again.

The twat's guide to ignoring lockdown when you feel like it

DO you think the coronavirus suddenly doesn’t exist whenever you fancy a trip to B&Q? Here are some great ways to ignore lockdown when it suits you.

Lockdown must last until end of the year, says woman who cut own fringe

A WOMAN who attempted to cut her own fringe has told Britain there can be no relaxing of lockdown until 2021.

Six online courses to pretend you'll do

LAST week everyone was pretending to write a novel. This week they’re all pretending to be online learning. What should you claim to be enrolling on?

Double your drinking and four other ways to make it feel like the weekend

ARE your weeks blurring into one long snack-laden, news-addled pyjama fest, broken only by a few half-arsed attempts at work? Here’s how to change that.

People having a 'really productive' lockdown told to shut the f**k up

PEOPLE who are having a 'really productive' lockdown have been told to shut the f**k up about it.

How to be an irritating hipster in lockdown

ARE you wearing a mask made out of an ironic 80s T-shirt while livestreaming baking organic vegan banana bread? Then you’re a coronavirus hipster.

Half-cup bra facemasks, and the other quarantine fashions this season

AS spring bursts into bloom and lockdown rolls on, it’s time to think about the new season’s hot looks. What are you wearing in your hallway or kitchen?

Furloughed man with no kids and a garden living like a f**king king

A MAN on 80 per cent pay with no kids and a spacious garden is living like the f**king king of lockdown, he has confirmed.

The ignorant twat's guide to social distancing

CONSIDER the government’s social distancing advice to be for other people? Here’s how to be an ignorant twat about it.