Lifestyle

Dear [Benny please put the names here darling].

THE value of every house in a street has dropped by 15 per cent after a child’s Christmas trampoline was set up in the front garden.

A COUPLE enjoying a bracing walk to welcome the new year are still off their faces from last night.

AN elderly parent is helping at Christmas by doing the washing up while standing three feet away from a dishwasher. 

SMUG middle-class families can’t ruin this Christmas by popping round, but they can still pen round-robin letters concealed in cards like the IEDs of humblebragging.

A DRIVEN, self-reliant career woman is looking forward to a fortnight vegging out in her parents’ lounge over Christmas, she has confirmed.

HAS your hairdresser mutilated your coiffure beyond repair? Here’s how to burn down your life and start again.

LONDON entering tier 3 lockdown is great news if you’re nuturing a hatred of London and everyone in it. Are you one of those dicks?

BRITONS have confirmed that the best way to deal with a pandemic, Brexit and winter is to throw shitloads of fairy lights at them.

YOUR 2019 self didn’t have a clue about the shitstorm that was heading their way. Here are five now commonplace activities they also couldn’t have foreseen.