Lifestyle

A WOMAN capable of finding wonder in all life’s hidden gifts is an absolutely unbearable tosspot.

OH dear, you’ve just drunkenly bought overpriced tat that you'll never use from eBay again, haven’t you? Clear your conscience with these tips:

A COUPLE eat their dinner so f**king late it is unbelievable, their friends have confirmed.

BRITAIN is looking forward to another day of sweltering weather with all swimming pools closed, beaches overcrowded, and beer gardens dicey at best.

WANT to make people jump out of their skin at a moment’s notice? Here house spider Roy Hobbs explains how to terrify otherwise rational adult humans.

ARE you planning to move out of London and believe it is the most important event in human history? Here’s how to drone on about it in a self-absorbed, middle class way.

WHEN you’re single, the last thing you need is to hear is the bedroom antics of your horny neighbours. Here are some coping strategies.

CHILDREN have been asked to please, God, chill the f**k out about dinosaurs.

MET up with family? Your niece – who’s 17 for God’s sake – already developed in ways you never will? Here’s how to curb your boob envy.

A WOMAN who made a corner of her flat appear minimalist and sleek for the purpose of video calls is starting to believe her own lies.