Lifestyle

ARE you keen to look like a massive twat for some reason? Simply use these incredibly irksome contemporary phrases in everyday life.

A BACHELOR who lives alone in a one-bedroom flat would prefer people did not know the full sordid details of his domestic life.

NORMAL time is measured in hours and days. But school holidays are measured in gins and cries in the toilet. Here are some half-term tips to keep the little sh*ts at bay.

A WOMAN has ruined a pleasant night out for everyone in a pub by taking the karaoke far too seriously.

A CAT treats its scratching post with the delicacy of an antiques dealer handling valuable Chinese ceramics.

'Some have even called me a pretentious twat.'

A 28-YEAR-OLD has been crowned the UK's most confident woman after asking a Boots sales assistant which aisle the lubricant is in.

A WOMAN has thanked her hairdresser, paid, tipped, walked away with a cheerful wave and the moment she was out of sight burst into tears.

A GAY man attending a friend’s hen party has had more than enough of this now, it has been confirmed. 

A MAN has started a podcast to focus on his passion for wasting other people's time.