Lifestyle

LAST week everyone was pretending to write a novel. This week they’re all pretending to be online learning. What should you claim to be enrolling on?

ARE your weeks blurring into one long snack-laden, news-addled pyjama fest, broken only by a few half-arsed attempts at work? Here’s how to change that.

PEOPLE who are having a 'really productive' lockdown have been told to shut the f**k up about it.

ARE you wearing a mask made out of an ironic 80s T-shirt while livestreaming baking organic vegan banana bread? Then you’re a coronavirus hipster.

AS spring bursts into bloom and lockdown rolls on, it’s time to think about the new season’s hot looks. What are you wearing in your hallway or kitchen?

A MAN on 80 per cent pay with no kids and a spacious garden is living like the f**king king of lockdown, he has confirmed.

CONSIDER the government’s social distancing advice to be for other people? Here’s how to be an ignorant twat about it.

AN ENTIRE house has been forced to celebrate an unpopular housemate’s birthday because they are all stuck in with him.

HOLDING a lockdown quiz with friends and family tonight? Try these questions.

LOCKDOWN is predicted to end sometime towards the end of the century. But at least that means there’s a summer off doing all this: