Lifestyle

BRITAIN’S middle class families are telling everyone about their smug and aspirational New Year’s resolutions.

A 29-YEAR-OLD woman who loathes children insists she is not going to have any purely to protect the environment.

A BOURGEOIS family is desperate for it to start snowing so they can show off their vintage wooden sleigh.

A SEEMINGLY normal couple have confirmed they are actually going to midnight mass.

ARE you planning to give presents that clearly required no thought or effort to people you don’t really care about?

A FAMILY heading to Bali for Christmas have admitted that they will still have a horrible time resenting each other despite the sun.

HIPSTERS who are still wearing shoes without socks have been told to pack it in because it is winter and they look like twats.

A GROUP of deluded halfwits still believes, with a week to go until Christmas Day, that they will all find time to meet beforehand.

A COUNCIL house absolutely festooned in flashing Christmas decorations is goading passers-by into voicing prejudiced thoughts.

WONDERING what to get that relative who’s a permanently angry fanatical Brexiter? Look no further – here’s the perfect selection!