Society

RESIDENTS of the West Country are living in fear of holidaymakers in case they are witches who will turn them into toads.

BRITAIN’S most exciting new post-lockdown hobby is being a twat in a park. Here’s how to ignore social distancing, intimidate people and generally play the arsehole.

BORIS Johnson has promised to ‘build build build’ more affordable homes, which are bound to be tiny new flats you still can’t afford. Here’s what property developers have in mind.

THE last British mum who dutifully corrects her children’s Americanisms has finally given up.

THE government has outlined its new half-arsed rules for reopening schools which are impossible to follow and will be ignored. But what are they? 

CONSPIRACY theorists that believe the earth is flat and 9-11 was an inside job are now claiming that there is such a thing as a ‘female orgasm’.

A WOMAN who has entertained her children in her own home for four months would give anything to ignore them in a soft play centre for two hours.

LEICESTER is no longer a city – it is a prison. But have you got what it takes to make it out?

A £10 note that has been in a man’s wallet since March this year is wondering what the f**k is going on out there.

BRITONS are being urged to hand over  jeans they can no longer fit into after spending lockdown eating constantly and barely moving.