Society

AS restrictions are lifted, the terrifying prospect of returning to normal gets ever more real. Here are some simple things you’ve probably forgotten how to do forever.

IT’S unbearably hot, anything you do might kill you and a malevolent clown is gambling with your life and future. Is it Britain or Hell? Find out with our fun quiz.

A MAN asked to explain what the phrase ‘white lives matter’ means was unable to give any explanation that was not bullshit. 

FROM useless wanker politicians to the f**kwitted man-in-the-street the UK’s main problem is that it is full of twats, research has found.

REJOICE! Plucky Britain has defeated coronavirus and our victory celebrations may begin. Print out and frame this historic article as a souvenir of our second-finest hour.

WORRIED about lowering the tone of your social bubble? Waitrose shopper Charlotte Phelps explains how to get the perfect mix.

A STATUE of left-wing band Chumbawumba pulled down last week is already back up again, it has emerged.

CORONAVIRUS? What coronavirus? Here some of Britain’s leading business dickheads explain why it’s time to pretend everything’s okay.

AFTER months of lockdown you’re probably a bit rusty at the old small talk. Here are some conversational icebreakers for this brave new COVID-19 world.

TORIES hate teachers even more than thick kids do. Here MP Denys Finch Hatton explains why the entire profession is evil.