Society

ANYONE considering getting a car now has to pay the DVLA from the moment it crosses their mind.

NOBODY in the UK has volunteered to do something since the mid 1970s, it has emerged.

WORKERS have been left in turmoil after the least pleasant person in their office expressed interest in joining them for a drink.

READERS of the Daily Mail have declared ISIS’s stance on crime and sex to be disappointingly soft.

INDIVIDUALS who claim to be enthusiastic actually just like hearing themselves speak.

A CREPUSCULAR forest wherein echoes the melancholic song of the nightingale is to become the UK’s first goth sanctuary.

THE search for a missing Maltesers egg has continued through the night.

GIVING up on owning property could lead to dangerous behaviour like reading books or being interested in world events, it has been claimed.

A WRITER has invented ‘the chillaxed mega-mum’.

CHURCHES are preparing a lukewarm Easter welcome for fickle Christians who turn up twice a year.