Society

Clarkson to live in a forest entertaining right-wing animals

JEREMY Clarkson has become a wild man who talks to rabbits about how magpies are scroungers.

Journalist would kill everyone in room for heartwarming story

A NEWSPAPER journalist has admitted she will stop at nothing, including murder, to get an uplifting human interest story.

South London houses become stately homes

FAMILY properties worth more than £1m in Catford and Peckham have announced they will open to the public at weekends.

Budget calculator reveals you’ve wasted your life

CALCULATORS that show how your petty finances are affected by the Budget are instead offering harsh moral judgments.  

Nu-Lads and hipsters in Brighton beach battle

A SEASIDE town is being plagued by confrontations between rival youth fashion tribes.

LinkedIn confirms it is never going to stop sending you emails

LINKEDIN has unveiled plans to keep sending you wheedling, passive-aggressive emails you never asked for

Tools secretly are left in van overnight

WORKMEN throughout the UK are covertly leaving tools in their vans overnight despite baldly stating the complete opposite.

Twitter bios must go 'serious, serious, wacky'

ALL Twitter bios must contain two serious pieces of information followed by a third zany one.

Northern Lights ‘are Daily Mail reader LSD’

THE Aurora Borealis is the closest thing Daily Mail readers will ever have to a psychedelic experience, they have confirmed.

Britain to get lessons in things you obviously shouldn’t do

BRITONS are to receive coaching in how not to do things that are clearly wrong.