Society

A SHROPSHIRE cattery has apologised to customers for not realising they wanted their cats back still breathing.

CHURCH halls and community centres are to offer emergency alcohol supplies to those unable to afford it themselves.

THE Conservative Party’s Grand Satanic Ambassador has assured atheists that they are totally wrong.

TOWNS and villages across England are ablaze after giant dragons chose St George’s Day to avenge their murdered comrade.

BRITAIN’S traditional Easter traffic jams have been blighted by heavy rain for the third successive year.

WOMEN are increasingly taking responsibility for the crap activities traditionally done by men.

THE ‘moral values’ of most people in Britain are based on classic films from the 1970s and 80s, it has been confirmed.

BRITAIN was a blood-soaked hellhole yesterday as the nation fought to the death over Creme Eggs.

SWEARING education for six-year-olds is to become mandatory.

TESCO has warned the people of the UK that they will pay with their lives for abandoning it.