Society

THE world's most esteemed eating places are almost entirely populated by dicks.

AN elderly grower of prize-winning giant vegetables has admitted wanting to see smaller vegetables destroyed.

A LONDON cafe has been accused of having chicken kievs with chips on its specials board since Sunday.

STRICT new mortgage rules will mean applicants should not turn up to their bank or building society with a three-litre box of wine.

A PERSON with no power should no longer be the symbolic head of an organisation that does not matter, according to someone who made up his own job.

A SHROPSHIRE cattery has apologised to customers for not realising they wanted their cats back still breathing.

CHURCH halls and community centres are to offer emergency alcohol supplies to those unable to afford it themselves.

THE Conservative Party’s Grand Satanic Ambassador has assured atheists that they are totally wrong.

TOWNS and villages across England are ablaze after giant dragons chose St George’s Day to avenge their murdered comrade.

BRITAIN’S traditional Easter traffic jams have been blighted by heavy rain for the third successive year.