Society

SECTARIAN rioting in Northern Ireland is still far too much fun for all concerned, it was claimed last night.

MILLIONS of Britons are facing financial ruin because their friends keep getting married in distant, expensive places they have only visited once.

PEOPLE across Britain are today asking themselves 'Am I more German than Hitler?'.

GAY people can become Church of England bishops if they promise to just think about boisterous anal sex with a greasy plumber.

A LOUD chorus of tut-tutting will sort out Britain's scumbags, it was confirmed last night.

HEADMASTERS of failing primary schools are to be quizzed on what is so difficult about three-piece jigsaws.

CUNNING socialist Bob Crow has successfully completed a daring reconnaisance mission at an exclusive capitalist restaurant.

AS the festival season begins, there are growing concerns the events are increasingly focusing on music instead of gratuitous, ego-driven amateur photography.

STRIKE action by council workers could lead to a redefinition of the concept of movement, it emerged last night.

SCHOOLS in England and Wales will ditch climate change lessons for a greater focus on the two week romances between D-List celebrities.