Society

THE Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat is to be Britain's first 100 percent twat-friendly festival.

SOLDIERS are being trained to tut, sigh and then finally deliver the wrong brand of cigarettes through the sliding metal tray at 24-Hour-garages.

MALE pattern baldness sufferers have discovered news of a possible cure tucked away on page 16 of their newspapers.

THE arrival of televisions that can spy on you means Britain is now a fully-qualified dystopia.

THE new 45p tax rate is 10 percent easier to avoid than the 50p rate, experts have confirmed.

DENNIS Waterman has provoked a furious debate about exactly how shit Minder actually was.

TELEVISED entertainment is mostly for clever people and snobs, it has been claimed.

TAXPAYERS are to receive a detailed breakdown of how their money was spent that is indvidually tailored to their cretinous world view.

SHOPS will be available for looting during the Olympics 24 hours a day, including Sundays.

A MAN who led a thing that doesn't matter for 10 years has become bored of it.