Society

STRIKE action by council workers could lead to a redefinition of the concept of movement, it emerged last night.

SCHOOLS in England and Wales will ditch climate change lessons for a greater focus on the two week romances between D-List celebrities.

INDEPENDENT regulator Ofcom has outlined plans to protect the public from the work of cowboy graffiti artists after record complaints about the standard of British vandalism.

LOCAL councils are hoping to tackle rat problems with a series of workshops inviting them to explore their ratness through physical movement.

PATHETIC universities may be allowed to close, threatening the academic careers of people who should never have been there anyway.

BRITAIN'S political and economic systems were working like clockwork last night as old people in the world's fifth richest country cheerfully tossed their food-heat coins.

A MARCH by provocatively-dressed women has been used as a backdrop by an opportunistic deodorant film crew, it has emerged.

MODERN magazines like Nuts lack the unpretentious honesty of Razzle and Knave, according to the prime minister.

READING is turning young people into homosexuals, it emerged last night.

A NEW high-level report on drug policy makes so much sense that people reading it have had to double check they are not off their tits.