Society

THE prime minister has unveiled a radical new concept for social change involving youngsters with neckerchiefs being helpful.

BRITAIN'S festival of righteous indignation has finally resulted in someone being jailed because of tube socks.

BRITAIN has thrown its support behind the unelected jobsworths who watched London burn for three days, it has emerged.

HISTORIAN David Starkey has written to a top London restaurant about its constant use of nihilistic Jamaican patois.

SCORES of disappointed rioters queued up this morning to return goods they had mistakenly looted from Games Workshop.

NEWS International's desire to give money to policemen could offset the effect of government cuts, it has emerged.

NEUROTIC cleaning obsessives have infiltrated the post-riot clean-up campaign, it was claimed last night.

SOCIAL networks will be confined to discussions about decency, values and the glowing satisfaction of a hard day's work.

BRITAIN was last night urged to avoid the schoolboy error of thinking people like Melanie Phillips may have been right all along.

HAVING a gigantic number of policemen on the streets of London does seem to prevent riots, it emerged last night.