Society

PLANS to thrust a huge metal phallus back and forth between Birmingham and London are not about me, transport secretary Philip Hammond has claimed.

THE Daily Mail achieved perfection today after publishing a photograph of Eva Braun posing as a black man.

BRITAIN is today extending a gracious invitation to the public sector to suck on it until they gag.

IAIN Duncan Smith is to simplify Britain's complex state pension system into an easy to understand voucher for powdered soup.

IT is not just the Labour Party who wants to treat you like a three year-old child, it has emerged.

MEN across the world are celebrating International Women's Day in the hope of having it off with a feminist.

CUTS to police numbers will hit hardest in areas where the chances of them actually doing anything have always been remarkably slim, it has emerged.

JOHN Prescott is manoeuvring himself gradually into the mainstream of British society, it was warned last night.

ENGLAND faces the choice of a national holiday to celebrate the slaying of a fictional animal by a made-up saint or the violent deaths of a great many French people.

SMALL cakes with brightly-coloured icing will not bring boundless childish glee to your meaningless existence, it has been confirmed.