Work

'You won't like me before my morning coffee', jokes woman who no one has ever liked

A WOMAN has joked that she only becomes likeable after her morning coffee, to the surprise of colleagues who hate her at all times of day.

Five types of office bellend you'd forgotten about during lockdown

OFFICE workers have been urged to go back in August, but you may have forgotten what bellends your colleagues are. Here are some you should mentally prepare for. 

Five rock-solid indisputable reasons for not returning to the office your boss will completely ignore

AS AN employee it is essential to know your rights during the pandemic, although they will be invalidated at your boss’s whim.

The suited-and-booted wanker's guide to getting a job

TIMES are tough, but coronavirus needn’t stop you finding a job. Here recruitment consultant and professional bullshitter Josh Hudson explains how to succeed.

How to wofglndrk from home wxcvhen a cat fdgippmkfkieeps walking on your keyboard

WORKING from home? Your furry prick of a pet treating your keyboard like a dancefloor? Here’s how to get through it.

Office twat has three months of twattishness saved up

A MAN hated by all his colleagues has returned to work with 14 weeks of f**king annoying behaviour stored up.

Employee asked to 'socialise the idea and see if it gains traction' hates that he knows what it means

A MAN asked to socialise an idea and give it an offline pulse-check has confirmed that it made him hate his boss but also hate himself.

Furloughed woman realises her life's calling is to be paid not to work

A FURLOUGHED woman has had the spiritual awakening that what she was born to do was to earn money for not working.

How to win at office politics from home

ARE you locked in a video call power struggle with your colleagues? Here’s how to navigate the nest of vipers you work with from the comfort of your own home.

Man sacked from last nine jobs applies to become Tory MP

A MAN who has been fired nine times in a row for incompetence and dodgy dealings is applying to be a Conservative MP.