Work

BEFORE committing to a job, prospective employees of a business will be told how many twats are already working there.

AN entire office is painfully aware that one of their colleagues got it at the weekend, it has been confirmed.

A MAN has confirmed that he welcomes feedback as long as it is always brilliant.

A MANAGER who requires staff to be completely professional sees no contradiction in buggering off to take his car to the garage, it has emerged.

A WOMAN who called in sick to work because she ‘deserved some time for herself’ has spent her day hiding behind drawn curtains like a fugitive.

EVERY member of staff in an office appears to be dangerously obsessed with cakes, a new employee has claimed.

As new figures revealed an increase in child poverty and a reduction in the number of children with part-time jobs, backbench Tories said it ‘did not take a genius to make the connection’.

A HOMEWORKER has been shocked to discover that not all jobs are done while simultaneously browsing pornography.

A SALES manager who tells employees ‘Cheer up, it might never happen!’ has no idea that they cannot because it has happened and it is he.

A WOMAN has prepared a complicated lie about why she is late for work 'because of the clocks'.