Work

Job candidates to be told how many twats work at the company

BEFORE committing to a job, prospective employees of a business will be told how many twats are already working there.

Everyone in office can tell man got laid at weekend

AN entire office is painfully aware that one of their colleagues got it at the weekend, it has been confirmed.

Man welcomes feedback as long as it's excellent

A MAN has confirmed that he welcomes feedback as long as it is always brilliant.

Boss demands complete professionalism from everyone except himself

A MANAGER who requires staff to be completely professional sees no contradiction in buggering off to take his car to the garage, it has emerged.

Woman who pulled sickie spends glorious day indoors feeling guilty

A WOMAN who called in sick to work because she ‘deserved some time for herself’ has spent her day hiding behind drawn curtains like a fugitive.

Everyone in office talking about cake, thinking about cake or eating cake

EVERY member of staff in an office appears to be dangerously obsessed with cakes, a new employee has claimed.

Child poverty increasing because not enough children have jobs, say Tories

As new figures revealed an increase in child poverty and a reduction in the number of children with part-time jobs, backbench Tories said it ‘did not take a genius to make the connection’.

Homeworker genuinely surprised to learn not everyone browses pornography while working

A HOMEWORKER has been shocked to discover that not all jobs are done while simultaneously browsing pornography.

Boss who says ‘Cheer up, it might never happen!’ unaware he is what has happened

A SALES manager who tells employees ‘Cheer up, it might never happen!’ has no idea that they cannot because it has happened and it is he.

Woman has feeble clock-based excuse ready to go

A WOMAN has prepared a complicated lie about why she is late for work 'because of the clocks'.