Work

A MANAGER who requires staff to be completely professional sees no contradiction in buggering off to take his car to the garage, it has emerged.

A WOMAN who called in sick to work because she ‘deserved some time for herself’ has spent her day hiding behind drawn curtains like a fugitive.

EVERY member of staff in an office appears to be dangerously obsessed with cakes, a new employee has claimed.

As new figures revealed an increase in child poverty and a reduction in the number of children with part-time jobs, backbench Tories said it ‘did not take a genius to make the connection’.

A HOMEWORKER has been shocked to discover that not all jobs are done while simultaneously browsing pornography.

A SALES manager who tells employees ‘Cheer up, it might never happen!’ has no idea that they cannot because it has happened and it is he.

A WOMAN has prepared a complicated lie about why she is late for work 'because of the clocks'.

THE UK has awoken, opened the curtains to windows that are nothing but rectangles of darkness, and realised that summer was just a silly dream.

THE number of shit jobs in Britain has reached an all-time time high.

A WOMAN in a meeting decided to make some notes before her colleagues figured out she had not not been listening to a word that had been said.