Work

THE UK has awoken, opened the curtains to windows that are nothing but rectangles of darkness, and realised that summer was just a silly dream.

THE number of shit jobs in Britain has reached an all-time time high.

A WOMAN in a meeting decided to make some notes before her colleagues figured out she had not not been listening to a word that had been said.

A MAN who phoned in sick last week is confident his colleagues will not notice the change in his skin colour.

A MAN has abandoned his plan to work hard and is instead focusing on having successful friends.

AN OFFICE has been compared to a family where everyone detests each other and fights all the time.

SHOP assistants who are friendly are just doing their jobs and do not desperately fancy their customers, men have been told.

AN office is in meltdown because the one member of staff who understands how everything works has taken the day off.

BEING back at work is a welcome break from four days of weird relatives and children’s nonsense, it has been confirmed.

CLAIMS that pay rises are not keeping pace with inflation has baffled the majority of Britons who have no idea what a pay rise is.