Politics

Boris here. I'm in self-isolation so I’ve been keeping a diary this entire time, because Churchill kept a diary and I’m just like him. Here are the highlights.

PRITI Patel has confessed she had no idea that Chinese burns, nutsack drawer-slammings and regular wedgies were what the weak considered ‘bullying’. 

PEOPLE who believe Brexit is going to be a massive success seem to live in a highly imaginative parallel universe. Here are some of their favourite delusions.

THE government has dished out £18 billion in PPE contracts, many to useless suppliers and Tory party chums. Here are some interesting ways to make them pay the money back.

JEREMY Corbyn has been reinstated to the Labour party after purging all anti-semitism from his system with a 19-day binge.

HI, Keir here. I’ve been given a bit of ‘stick’ for choosing Three Lions as one of my Desert Island Discs. Allow me to reassure you that I genuinely love the following hits.

BIG bad Dom is back on the jobs market. These six tell-tale signs will identify if you’re working with him.

THE blundering dickhead in charge of the country has only gone and got himself exposed to Covid again.

A TRIO of amateur bakers will shoulder the hopes of a nation by creating oven-ready Brexit deals for the final challenge of The Great British Bake-Off. 

WITH her husband due to leave the White House, Melania Trump is reported to be considering a range of career moves, drawing on her many skillsets. Here are some options.