Politics

DOMINIC Cummings has announced the dates of his forthcoming four-week Lockdown 2 tour of the UK.

LABOUR is in turmoil over its handling of antisemitism. Here Tory minister Norman Steele explains how his party is completely free of racism and welcomes people of a funny colour.

A SUPPORTER of Jeremy Corbyn firmly believes he can bounce back from losing the 2019 election, resigning as leader and being suspended from the party yesterday. 

I THOUGHT it would be easy. Marry rich bloated pig man, have quiet life as scowling clothes hanger, wait to outlive him, then have a lovely time as wizened twiglet in killer heels.

ARE you baffled by how the government can keep getting away with nasty, mean-spirited behaviour? Here Conservative MP Denys Finch Hatton explains how it works.

HELLO, it’s Priti Patel. When I'm not threatening asylum seekers and eroding human rights, I like to have guests over just as much as the next person. Here’s how to do it.

THE government is considering imposing a 60-day masturbation ban across the UK to encourage everyone to spend money instead. 

THE Conservatives are confident that an entire day spent voting to deprive the poor of food and money will not rebound on them in any way. 

ANDY Burnham is now the North’s Jesus and will be betrayed at a potato-pie supper before crucifixion on a bleak rainswept hill in Oldham.

TOUGH day making the hostile environment positively belligerent? Sick of leftie lawyers getting you down? These are the life mottos that I, home secretary Priti Patel, swear by.