Politics

THE UK’s status as officially f**ked and its leadership by total f**knuts could be connected, it has emerged.

HATING your job? Pay too low? House cramped? Didn’t really plan on living with a newborn when you were 56? With this and more you too can look a f**king state.

HAS the dream job you spent your whole pathetic life angling for turned to shit? Here, speaking from experience, the prime minister tells you how to cope.

PRITI Patel’s neighbours are watching her house for any evidence of more than six people so they can immediately call the police, they have confirmed.

THE Labour party is hoping to woo voters and force an early election with its new campaign slogan ‘A non-dickhead option is now available’.

BRITAIN is on the verge of a general election and still fails to understand key issues. Are you one of Britain’s thick-as-pigshit voters?

BRITISH law now only applies to you if you ticked the box when you were filling in the form, it has emerged.

THE Government has announced it will break the law to do something it wants to do. When can you do the same?

DOWNING Street has confirmed that for every policy it is introducing the opposite policy so nobody knows what the f**k they are doing ever.

PRITI Patel has vowed to make failure to read the Daily Mail a terrorist act punishable with life in prison.