Politics

MICHAEL Gove has told the people of Kent that the all-pervasive smell of lorry drivers’ excrement will actually be a ‘Brexit bonus’ for the county.

DOMINIC Cummings has confirmed that he superforecasted everything about the current Downing Street row, including being out on his arse. 

CARRIE Symonds, in her capacity as prime minister’s consort, has announced a full cabinet reshuffle. 

PRESIDENT Trump last night made a number of claims to the American people of dubious veracity. Here we fact-check them one by one. 

BREXITERS have been asked for an update on Britain’s amazing trade deal with America now that Donald Trump is likely to lose.

SNEAKY Democrats are trying to sabotage this election by placing more votes for their candidate than us Republicans. Let me explain why that undermines democracy while I disrupt ballot counting.

BORIS Johnson has a spring in his step this morning after seeing US voters vote for a lying bastard with nonsense hair in massive numbers.

POLITICS has become so polarised that it’s impossible to admit that you wouldn’t mind giving Dominic Raab one. Form a cross-party coalition with these five...

NIGEL Farage is making an electoral comeback with a party dedicated to finally making him f**k off permanently.

EVER found yourself trapped in an intolerable situation you can’t back out of? Faking your own death begins to seem like the answer.