Politics

DAVID Cameron’s cabinet ministers have proved themselves unable to smile and wave like functioning humans.

THE remaining Liberal Democrat MPs are to tour the country in a people carrier re-engaging voters via a hard-hitting puppet show.

ED Miliband’s pledge tablet has been made available to anyone wanting to try their hand at obscene graffiti.

BRITAIN’S voters have revealed that lying about who they will vote for is hugely enjoyable.

ED Miliband has been knocked unconscious by a three-tonne Russian spacecraft which fell out of orbit.

ED Balls, George Galloway, UKIP and Vince Cable have left Britain drained after an orgy of schadenfreude.

MILLIONS of voters have admitted they are bastards who just want money.

PARTY leaders have issued a joint statement calling postal voters a bunch of lazy bastards.

THE SNP is the third largest party in the UK, and a dominant political force. Yes Keir, it is possible.

NIGEL Farage and IKEA have formed a party called UKEA in a last-minute bid to create a majority government.