Politics

NIGEL Farage and Russell Brand have mysteriously swapped bodies after last night’s Question Time.

ED MILIBAND thought his face was melting after reading about the effects of drug use for the first time.

ATTEMPTS by the Liberal Democrats to outline their agenda have been aggressively shushed as soon as they began.

NIGEL Farage has confirmed his belief that immigrants are a type of small, crab-like creature.

THE government is to regulate adult content by producing porn films and websites itself.

ALEX Salmond is to stand for Westminster to fight for English independence from Scotland.

UKIP is to target seats where the electorate consists solely of men.

DEPUTY Prime Minister Nick Clegg has once again been given the Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day shifts on the Cabinet’s Christmas rota.

"Thank you for the card. Your face looks strange. I do hope you’re not seriously ill."

THE prime minister has promised he has ruled nothing out in negotiations with the EU, including a decade-long transcontinental war.