Politics

ED Miliband and Nicola Sturgeon have once again failed to fully explore their emotional wants and needs.

RICHARD Desmond has boosted UKIP's election campaign with a £1m donation generated by breasts.

NICK Clegg has confirmed his role in any future coalition will be The Gimp.

HARD-WORKING British families will be driving Golf Cabriolets and wearing white socks if the Conservatives are re-elected.

THE Green Party has been told to withdraw its manifesto after it claimed oil would eventually run out.

DAVID Cameron has told close friends he is being continually hassled by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.

ED Miliband has pledged that a Labour government will try really hard not to fuck everything up.

DAVID Cameron has set out the ‘Conservative dream’ of a society of hard-working drones who love television more than life itself.

ED MILIBAND’S former girlfriends are the key issue swaying floating voters in the general election. But who are the ex-lovers of this goggle-eyed North London pervert?

DAVID Cameron is finally realising he only became prime minister because Britain could not stand another second of Gordon Brown.