Politics

THE House of Lords is to introduce a decriminalised zone where peers can prostitute themselves without fear of arrest.

BRITISH politics was in turmoil today after a documentary revealed that UKIP has been infiltrated by racists.

BRITAIN is deeply disappointed in Malcolm Rifkind and ecstatic that Jack Straw’s reputation has been utterly destroyed.

BARRY Chuckle has taken a shock three-point lead in the run-up to the general election. 

DAVID Cameron is to tackle obesity by chasing every overweight person in Britain through a shower room whilst flicking their buttocks with a damp towel.

BORIS Johnson is to have his US personality Big Tex Johnson removed and sent to the States to live an independent life.

LABOUR has deployed the famous Vengabus to capture the crucial youth vote in marginal constituencies.

VOTERS have demanded clarification after being told that whoever they vote for they are actually voting for someone else. 

NICK Clegg has kick-started the Lib Dem election campaign by changing his first name to ‘Ryan’.

UKIP is courting the vote of immigrants who hate what they see in the mirror, it has confirmed.