Politics

GORDON Brown kicked-off the general election campaign today by seriously expecting Britain to take another five years of Ed Balls and his ghastly, unbearable face.

GORDON Brown last night said he was amazed to discover that Britain had quite a lot of immigrants.

IF the answer to Britain's economic problems is Vince Cable then what are the schools like in the Dordogne, it was claimed last night.

THE Conservatives have pledged to reverse Labour's national insurance hike by selling no more than 1.5m of Britain's least important children.

THE tiny foetus growing inside the wife of Tory leader David Cameron will slash front line services and wreck Britain's fragile economic recovery, the prime minister claimed last night.

FOUR Labour MPs have claimed expenses for getting caught offering to peddle their influence to the highest bidder like common whores.

BRITAIN'S biggest trade union today ordered Gordon Brown to describe it as 'deplorable'.

NICK Clegg has pledged to raise the amount of semen coating the inside of Britain's tube socks by at least a fifth.

THE Conservative Party leadership are to shift the focus of their election campaign to securing the support of their own wives.

GORDON Brown is considering granting parole to the Yorkshire Ripper in the hope of another opinion poll boost.