Politics

EVERY political issue in the entire world has been sorted out during a single night of drunkenness in a Mexican cantina.

SIXTEEN electronic curfew tags have been discovered on Home Secretary Theresa May's leg.

NICK Clegg has instructed Liberal Democrat MPs to no longer give any indication of noticing anything.

TUCK-LOVING Communities Secretary Eric Pickles has been severely reprimanded after unveiling yet another grub-based 'cohesion strategy'.

ANDREW Lansley is to be toured across the nation as its officially-appointed hate sponge.

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is stuck on Level 2-3 of Angry Birds, with a similarly poor performance at Fruit Ninja.

TRANSPORT Secretary Justine Greening believes there is currently some sort of legal limit to how fast Britons can go on the motorway, it has emerged.

NICK Clegg's mother has written to David Cameron's mother demanding an end to the cruel taunting of her son.

FEVERED Tories are to have the purpose of the crucial Euro summit explained to them as slowly as it takes.

THE government's plan to wipe out Britain's deficit using little bits of discarded soap is not going well, David Cameron has revealed.