Politics

THE government's plan to wipe out Britain's deficit using little bits of discarded soap is not going well, David Cameron has revealed.

THERESA May relaxed passport checks as she assumed that foreign criminals looked like enormous moustachioed sea creatures, it has emerged.

THE leaders of the G20 nations are undercover anarchists who have deliberately destroyed the West's capitalist economy, it has emerged.

TRADE Unions are to press ahead with pension strikes because the strikes are not about pensions and never have been, it was confirmed last night.

BARONESS Thatcher has agreed to meet Sarah Palin if she can whack her with a big stick every time she says something stupid.

THE debate over government cutbacks took a dramatic turn last night after they were attacked by some people who have never liked them.

THE House of Commons has staged a landmark debate on whether that Imogen Thomas knew what she was doing all along, so she did.

NICK Clegg restored his political authority today by threatening a revolt over the use of punctuation in the NHS reform bill.

AN inquiry into why Britain's high streets are in decline has been launched and published in the time it took to read this sentence.

GORDON Brown has said that if he becomes head of the IMF the worst thing he would do to a hotel maid is make her incredibly bored.