Politics

GOOD morning and congratulations on making the best decision of your life - you’re going to vote UKIP.

BRITONS are outraged about being forced to look up Maria Miller on the internet.

CULTURE secretary Maria Miller has claimed the £1.2 million profit from her taxpayer-funded second home was spent on 'loads of culture'.

BRITAIN is backing Nigel Farage’s plan to send the country through a wormhole to an alternate universe where everything is perfect forever.

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is to embrace his weird side by dressing like a member of 70s collective Funkadelic.

GEORGE Osborne is to use his school and family connections to get everyone into easy, well-paid work.

NIGEL Farage has named Vladimir Putin as his favourite politician and revealed that he often thinks of him while showering.

NICK Clegg and Nigel Farage have both admitted that they will have firearms at tonight's televised debate on Europe.

THE G7 summit of world leaders, held without Russia for the first time in 16 years, has been super relaxed.

ED Miliband has been urged to ‘be bold’ with the next Labour manifesto including tax reform, NHS funding and putting all the rich people up against a wall.