Politics

Attack On Goodwin Wasn't My Fault Either, Says Brown

GORDON Brown last night added the attack on the home of Sir Fred Goodwin to the list of things that are not his fault.

Brown Apologises For Not Being Even More Intelligent

GORDON Brown today apologised for not being even more intelligent than he so obviously is.

Brown Refuses To Hand Back Pension

GORDON Brown last night dismissed calls to surrender his £123,000 a year pension when he is forced to stop being prime minister next June.

He’s A Self-Made Billionaire And You’re A Sleazy Twat, Everyone Tells Mandelson

LORD Mandelson has been given a resounding answer to his question of who the fuck Starbucks boss Howard Schultz thinks he is.

Brown Demands New Bank To Destroy

GORDON Brown last night ordered his minions to fetch him a fresh bank.

Brown Suffering From Recession, Say Docs

PRIME minister Gordon Brown is displaying the classic symptoms of recession, doctors warned last night.

Tories Hire Vorderman To Help People Work Out If Firstplus Loan Was A Good Idea

CAROL Vorderman is to head a Conservative Party taskforce to help people work out if debt consolidation loans are really such a good idea after all.

What Is Your Fucking Problem? Britain Asks IMF

THE government has written to the International Monetary Fund to ask it what its fucking problem is.

I Warned Of Crisis Ten Years Ago Then Did Absolutely Nothing About It, Says Brown

GORDON Brown yesterday said he warned of the financial crisis 10 years ago but did nothing to stop it because, quite frankly, he wants us all dead.

Labour Politicians Do Nothing Wrong Again

THE Labour Party was embroiled in controversy last night after another four of its politicians did absolutely nothing wrong.