Politics

GOVERNMENT cuts affect poor people less because they like horrible cheap shit, the Conservatives have explained.

NIGEL Farage has confirmed UKIP's general election manifesto will be printed as an optical illusion.

UNMARRIED people are to be forced into strangers' family homes as long-lost aunts or uncles, the government has announced.

UKIP has asked for clarification on whether ‘casual racism’ is the same as ‘proper racism’.

IAIN Duncan Smith has promised more welfare cuts while concealing his groin behind a wooden podium.

BORIS Johnson's highly capable manservant Hardwicke has advised him to stand as an MP.

THE next Muslim woman appointed to the government will wear the veil and walk four steps behind the prime minister.

ALEX Salmond's advisors are split on how much thigh he should reveal for Tuesday's televised debate.

THE prime minister is to impose sanctions on Russia's wealthiest city, London.

ED Miliband is planning to show Barack Obama his collection of 2000AD comics, many with free gifts still on the cover.