Politics

VOTERS across Britain have expressed outrage at Lord Ashcroft's ability to avoid more tax than them.

BRITISH politics was in turmoil last night after a man you have never heard of was elected to do something you couldn't care less about.

MPs have published a censored version of their expenses in the hope that you will forget you have already seen them.

BARONESS Thatcher was under sedation last night after trying to close the ward where she is being treated.

GORDON Brown continued his political fightback last night by somehow finding a brand new thing to make an arse of.

DEPUTY prime minister Gordon Brown survived a backbench revolt last night after pledging to change his style of leadership and blah, blah, blah, you're not still reading this are you?

THE Nazis started out with just a couple of MPs and six percent of the vote you know, everyone said last night.

GORDON brown reasserted his authority today with what his supporters insisted was a stupid, pointless reshuffle that won't make the slightest difference to anything.

LABOUR was today told to just get on with it so we can all have a peaceful weekend without having to watch Nick Robinson jumping up and down like a child that's bursting for a piss.

A PROCESSION of Labour ministers and backbench MPs announced their resignations yesterday, like rats deserting an utterly shit government.