Politics

TONY Blair has given his unequivocal, 14 per cent backing to Ed Miliband.

DAVID Cameron has apologised after being caught on tape describing a lamb he had just fed as 'bigoted'.

VOTERS in England last night found themselves terrorised and seduced by a medium sized Scottish woman.

DAVID Cameron has urged Britain to get into the spirit of the general election instead of accusing him of lying.

DAVID Cameron and Ed Miliband have confirmed that one of them is going to be prime minister in a few weeks.

THE prime minister has likened the UK to Thomas the Tank Engine, who is alway the direct cause of disaster.

THE Scottish National Party is on course to win a majority of seats across England.

5. Lumps of putrefying giraffe meat that he feeds to Ian Duncan Smith through the slot in his wooden crate.

DAVID Cameron has admitted he will not serve as prime minister for a full five decades.

PLANS to do insane things like turning Swansea into a sunken lagoon have been waved through by a distracted parliament.