Politics

THE North Sea's oil and gas fields have mounted a campaign to cut all ties with Scotland and govern themselves.

DAVID Cameron has been seen flicking through an old copy of a play about the king having a bishop killed.

THE prime minister has claimed that welfare reform offers ‘new hope, like Luke Skywalker at the beginning of Star Wars’.

THE economic recovery is finally paying dividends for Britain’s craziest political nutjobs.

TORY voters are motivated mostly by spite, it has been claimed.

ERIC Pickles has admitted his memory only goes back a fraction of a minute.

BOB Crow and Boris Johnson will soon succumb to the sexual tension between them, according to ACAS.

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband has claimed to have done it with a girl.

LABOUR is to change the way it elects its leader in the hope it will result in the election of a leader.

GRINDING financial hardship is preferable to seeing George Osborne looking pleased with himself, Britons have decided.