Politics

GORDON Brown last night ordered his minions to fetch him a fresh bank.

PRIME minister Gordon Brown is displaying the classic symptoms of recession, doctors warned last night.

CAROL Vorderman is to head a Conservative Party taskforce to help people work out if debt consolidation loans are really such a good idea after all.

THE government has written to the International Monetary Fund to ask it what its fucking problem is.

GORDON Brown yesterday said he warned of the financial crisis 10 years ago but did nothing to stop it because, quite frankly, he wants us all dead.

THE Labour Party was embroiled in controversy last night after another four of its politicians did absolutely nothing wrong. 

GORDON Brown is today hosting a high-level summit to discuss radical new measures aimed at helping him keep his job.

HOUSE of Commons Speaker Michael Martin made a statement on the arrest of Tory MP Damien Green yesterday, but no-one is entirely sure what he said.

RISHI Sunak is facing a possible challenge to his leadership from a particularly virulent case of anal warts.

THE Treasury is to relax its rules on borrowing after seeing a television advert featuring Carol Vorderman.