Politics

THE Tories get all of their money from people who are not hellish keen on left-wing politics, it emerged today.

CHANCELLOR George Osborne will rethink an April fuel price rise after acknowledging its effects on his ability to live.

THE economy contracts when cold, like a scrotum, chancellor George Osborne said last night.

SHADOW chancellor Rachel Reeves has vowed to end to excessive bank profits with an angry poem.

UNMISSABLE daytime shows like Bargain Hunt will be ordered off air by the government to encourage millions to return to work.

WESTMINSTER Council have successfully applied for an injunction allowing the dismantling and removal of Boris Johnson.

WESTMINSTER Council have successfully applied for an injunction allowing the dismantling and removal of Boris Johnson.

The Daily Mash has crunched the numbers on yesterday's Budget to work out how it will affect your ability to buy all that stupid shit your television keeps telling you that you need.

CHANCELLOR George Osborne is to throw everyone in Coventry out of work after a brilliant suggestion from Harriet Harman.

PUBLIC spending should be cut on everything except all the stuff I use, everyone in Britain said today.