Tories annoyed Brexit not leaving time to bollocks up other things

TORIES are concerned the government is so bogged down in Brexit it does not have time to destroy the rest of the fabric of society.  

Britain thrilled with its shitty voting choices again

THE UK has refused to hand a clear local election victory to either Labour or the Conservatives because both of them are pretty toss.

Man can’t remember which one is Stormy Daniels and which is Cambridge Analytica

A MAN is pretty confident that pornstar Cambridge Analytica has been paid off by Trump and Stormy Daniels has shut down, or possibly vice versa.  

Where's that twat Cameron these days? asks entire UK

THE deepening Brexit crisis has made Britons wonder what has become of the pink-faced Etonian who caused it in the first place.  

Your guide to voting in the local elections

IF you’re diligently trogging round to your old primary school to vote in the local elections, what should you do? Read our guide.

Queen urged to f**k up his hair at the very least

THE Queen has been told that if she is to meet Donald Trump, the very least she can do is mess up his hair.  

I am ready for any Brexit hardship, says man who's upset if his boiled egg isn’t just right

A MAN claims he is ready to make any sacrifice for Brexit despite being extremely picky about everything.  

Kanye West could be next twat president

IT IS now a strong possibility that rapper and colossal twat Kanye West will become president of the US, experts believe.  

Entire UK to be deported for not keeping all their paperwork

EVERYONE in Britain is being deported to the Caribbean because they cannot produce an insane amount of paperwork proving beyond doubt they live here.

Brexit bill defeated by light breeze

THE government’s Brexit bill has suffered two shock defeats due to a mild breeze and a few spots of rain.