Politics

THERE’S nothing like a juicy steak cooked on a proper petrol-fired barbecue, because petroleum is a completely natural miracle fuel we should extract more of.

RISHI Sunak recently revealed he has never taken drugs and thinks they’re ‘horrific’. Here’s his guide to sensibly enjoying yourself at a party.

BRITONS are finding it impossible to sign up with an NHS dentist. That’ll teach you to do better at school and go private, says health minister Steve Barclay. Here’s his dental advice.

DESPITE being a chaotic nightmare while in office, Boris Johnson has taken steps to aid his successor. Here are his handover notes in full.

HOOTS, I’ve caused a stir by saying we should ignore Nicola Sturgeon and Scotchish independence. Here’s what I learned during a government fact-finding trip to this strange, backward little province.

LIZ Truss is posing for a photoshoot in England kit with a football under one arm as we f**king speak, Britain has realised.

LIZ Truss has been accused of distorting accounts of her Northern childhood. Here the surely-this-is-a-joke leadership candidate recounts her impoverished upbringing. 

KEIR Starmer has sacked his deputy Angela Rayner’s boyfriend and suggested that perhaps he could step in on an acting basis.

THE Conservatives cannot fathom how they could possibly end the baffling, motiveless rail strike. These are their panicked ideas thus far.

BORIS Johnson believes he can be prime minister again. Someone needs to explain to him these six reasons why he’ll be far, far happier when he isn’t.