Builder who buggered up kitchen determined to 'see it through'

A BUILDER who has caused £8,000 of damage to the kitchen he is supposedly improving has promised he will see the job through.

Could you be the next useless Brexit secretary?

HAVE you got what it takes to be the next ambitious twat to pick up the poison chalice of Brexit? Take our quiz and find out.

I f**king love it, says Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has called a press conference to say he has read the draft Brexit agreement and, against all expectations, absolutely loves it.

Dominic Raab's guide to the British Isles

AFTER discovering Britain is surrounded by water, Brexit secretary Dominic Raab shares his insights into the British Isles which everyone else already knew.

Brexiter watching Britain 'take back control' from luxury mansion in France

A LEADING Brexiter feels the unfolding chaos of Brexit is going well from the vantage point of his massive house in France.

Remainer torn between feeling extremely smug and extremely terrified

A REMAINER'S pleasing feelings of superiority over other voters have been marred by genuine terror over what is coming next.

It is the year 2137. Brexit has still not happened. Theresa May is still prime minister

MORE than a century into the future, the UK is still waiting for the EU to come up with a creative solution to the Northern Ireland border.

Theresa May's guide to never answering a single f**king question

ARE people constantly asking you annoying, awkward questions? Here are my foolproof ways of never giving a straight answer.

Miserable sods gutted by end of austerity

MISERABLE people who want everyone to be unhappy like them have begged Theresa May to carry on with austerity.

Shit dance totally works

A FUCKING awful dance has completely succeeded in distracting from the vapid reassurances and outright lies of Theresa May’s speech, Britain has confirmed.