Sport

MANCHESTER United has pledged to stop fans smuggling puzzles, games and books into Old Trafford to keep them occupied during matches.

LIVERPOOL fans are gearing themselves up for six months of ultimately pointless optimism.

BRITISH tennis fans have run amok after the Davis Cup, downing jugs of winter Pimms and demanding plate after plate of olives.

A 27-YEAR-OLD man has won the World Punching Competition.

THE KEY to Leicester City’s success is to avoid playing anyone decent, it has been confirmed.

CAREFUL bicycle users are increasingly using the pavement as a way to avoid the dangers of the road.

BLACKBURN Rovers has hired Paul Lambert as manager to teach ungrateful supporters a lesson.

AFTER repeated injury problems, Arsenal has decided to remove medieval combat from its weekly schedule.

A SPANISH interpreter is finding it impossible to communicate to David Moyes that he has been fired by Real Sociedad.

WITH Champions League progress unlikely, Arsenal will now focus on securing the chance to exit the Champions League early next season.